I’m not one to blog about love. I mean I’m the go to chick for protein, lifting heavy shit, and fitting into skinny jeans, but in the aftermath of Valentine’s day, I felt compelled to write about a subject that doesn’t get much thought; but affects so many women and most importantly: their scale.
It’s not paleo, cardio, or even workout spanx; but those would be pretty sweet. It’s the direct correlation between love and your dress size.
I have an online client that I’ve been working with for 2 months now, who has absolutely been killing it and seeing amazing results and then one week; bam! Progress stopped.
I asked her; are you feeling well? Has work been too busy to get to the gym? Her reply?
No, I got a boyfriend. Oh dear……
So let me be the first to say that relaxing and enjoying your newfound love awesomeness and putting on some “love pounds” is totally normal and in my opinion ok! But remember this, eventually love turns into a lifestyle and if a girl’s not careful she can find herself falling in love and off the weight loss wagon.
As I heard my client tell her story, I couldn’t help remember my own struggles with love and staying true to my diet. At first I didn’t want to be the chick eating salad on the first date, then it turned into “well he’s having pizza, so I could have one too”, and then before I knew it I was carrying more than some “love pounds” around. I’ve also ran into complications in my relationship when I was dieting and prepping for competitions.
It’s easy to very quickly feel isolated in your new lifestyle when the loved ones around you aren’t in the same mind set. Not to mention, and most competitors can agree, you get a little wrapped up and can leave your partner very worn out with the whole process.
I personally can contribute some of my own relationship failures to not having a good balance between love for diet and the love for my partner; here’s some tips to lose the weight and not him:
- The dude doesn’t want to do Yoga; ever. You’ve found your new found motivation and you’re on the road to becoming a badass yogi; but slow your roll girl, it doesn’t mean he has to be one too to be supportive. Too many times as women, we associate support through action and the only action that makes sense to us is seeing him sweat through an hour hot yoga class miserabally, but that’s not how to gain support from him for your new lifestyle. Look at it this way; if he wants to join, more power to him! But remember, this goal is for you, and him not wanting to warrior pose his ass off next to you doesn’t mean he isn’t behind you.
- 1 fat question a day, drives the man away. A very good guy friend explained something to me once, that made my whole outlook on men’s mind’s change and it’s this: “As men, our favorite thing to do is think about nothing; nothing is very comfortable to us”. So with that being said, the next time you ask if you A. look fat in that, B. think you’re fat, or C. Have I gotten fat? Remember, men love to think of nothing, so constantly bombarding him with fat questions will leave him uncomfortable and frustrated and you feelin left hangin. Instead, give him the opportunity to offer compliments naturally and genuine, he’ll feel less pressured and you’ll be caught by the surprise of an unexpected boost to your confidence. Besides; unless he is wearing a cup made of steel, he will always answer: “No, you look great”. Leave those questions for your girlfriends on wine night.
- You ordered a salad; he’s not going to give you a medal. This was one of my worst habits in my relationship. I’d spend the whole week killing on my diet and workouts and when Friday rolled around and on date night I ordered a salad; I’d expect to hear praise, pats on the back, and a medal for being such a good girl! When I didn’t hear that, I’d think, he didn’t even care! How dare he not take time out of his day to celebrate my universe of useless diet banter! See the picture? Your partner sees your hard work, whether or not he is expressing it. Keep those small victories to yourself; they’ll mean more.
- The guy gets to see you naked; you’re the hottest chick in the world to him. Every girl, no matter how smokin hot they are has insecurities. It’s important to your relationship to realize that you are not ugly or not hot enough; but it’s insecurity that is ugly. There is one golden rule to remember when you are self-conscious around your man: he gets to see you naked, gets coffee in the morning, and has a love of a good woman; the dude is on cloud 9! Between those moments; he’s not going to have time to compare your butt to Kim Kardashian’s, so when that moment of insecurity happens, try to push it aside, because the only thing that is on his mind is how incredibly lucky he is to have you.
- He cares as much about what you ate today as you do about who won the Stanley cup. This one can be summed up quickly. Would you want to hear the play by play of his golf game last Sunday? Probably not; he feels the same way about your diet. Join community networks like myfitness pal to help vent frustrations and triumphs; this is an audience that is invested too; you’ll get more motivation and his ears won’t begin to bleed by “and then for lunch I had….”
- Don’t go fishing. Once again, I’m guilty. Your partner is the closest person to your heart and even though friends and co-workers maybe showering you with compliments, the only person that you really want to hear from is him; and you should. Demanding and asking is not how you get the satisfaction from your guy; communicating that you appreciate their support when it’s given is how a man can understand you need it. Also ladies, when he says you look good, accept it, be thankful for it, and don’t be afraid to repeat it back to yourself; because you do deserve it!
- Ask for support; don’t demand it. Once again back to the fishing. Your new lifestyle is also his by default, so be sure to involve him in your plans and let him be a partner; he’ll be more wiling to be participate when you began with his support first. Men love to provide; let him provide his input and appreciate it.
- Your goals should be for you. This is the number one rule fit chicks. Whether you started your journey single, blissfully attached, or broken and determined; remember why you started. You started this for YOU! To make YOU better, happier, stronger, and most of all reach a goal for yourself. So when you fall slightly off the wagon; ask for help, look to yourself remember your goals, and simply just step right back on.
Chances are every woman who reads this has committed the mistakes above and chances are many women might make them again; but the difference between a healthy balance of love and carbs is consistency and patience; with yourself and him.
I am a repeat offender of letting loose and enjoying my “off-season” and then overnight becoming a Nazi food critic and skipping quality time to show love to the stair master at the gym. I once even work up an ex at 5:30 in the morning, to yell at a guy for eating my blueberries. I know what you’re thinking; fit chick gone crazy and the reality is you can if you don’t approach your relationship AND diet with respect and understanding. I know now as a single lady, that this drive for my goals needs to be realistic within the expectations of relationship can at times come to a head.
I feel sometimes, as women, we are so caught up in reaching that perfect weight, look, or goal that we can forget to slow down and appreciate having someone to share success with.
So here’s my challenge ladies: find your balance with him, your goals, and work harder every day to accomplish both, and don’t forget that at the end of the day the guy loves you, not what your scale says, but that love and carbs are always worth fighting for.