I almost didn’t write this post.
Not because I was stumped, but because it’s 9 o’clock and I just put my son to bed and I have emails to respond too, loads of laundry to start,a nearing project dead line, and somewhere in between there I should probably say hello to my husband…..
I don’t need to tell you how hard it is to mom; you know that already. I’m not even going to try to explain how difficult it is to be a working mom, because let’s get 1 thing straight: if you’re title has mom in it, no matter what…. You’re working.
I’ll tell you my story though, but before I bring you up too speed let’s back up to pre -mom days. Where my office was full of inspiration boards and clothing samples; not rocking horses and Lego pieces to sprain my ankle on.
I started my company 4 years ago. I was working 80+ hours a week; yes really! Relationships, marriage, babies; that was awesome but that was for “other people” and definitely not a career woman like me.
I had a dozen irons in the fire and not one thing could stop me!
Well, until I met a tall, dark, handsome man. (My husband will appreciate that!) And like boys and girls do in love; we had a baby!
All of a sudden I was part of the “other people” and in my true form, I committed 100% to being a mama.
I read the books, took the classes, and decided that I would stay at home! Be that mom cooking organic baby food and having play dates, I couldn’t wait! My company could.
3 weeks. That’s how long I lasted.
Within 3 weeks of staying home with my son, I started changing.
I grew relentless keeping the house up, baby happy, and would jump at the chance to leave the house. Seriously, no one NEEDS to go to target 4x’s in one week.
I started to hate talking about my husband’s job, because all I could think was how much I wasn’t contributing.
I felt isolated at home sometimes and was internally struggling if I made the right decision.
Understand this; I cherished spending all day with my new baby. I LOVED being a mom. But why wasn’t I feeling fulfilled?
So I decided I’d go back; 100% committed! We went on the nanny search and after what felt like first episode of “The Bachelor” I gave a rose, found a great nanny my son loves and went back to work.
The first day I left him, I cried the entire way to my meeting and ended up cutting it short, as I flew home.
I pulled into our garage and thought, “Nope, this ain’t it either.”
I went back to work after 3 weeks.
I although so appreciative, let the nanny go at 3 weeks.
What the hell was I gonna do?
Well, I knew the struggle on both sides. But I couldn’t take the struggle inside…. The guilt of working. The feeling of not.
So I do both.
I work from home, be a mama all day, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done!
I rarely get it all done. Sometimes I feel like super woman and some days I feel like I got ran over by a truck.
I’m normally running around looking like a crazy woman, but I’m walking proof you can have it both.
I’m lucky. Not every woman has the same opportunity as I have. Some of you may read this and disagree on many fronts.
But for EVERY mom reading this; I hope you know. I hope you know you have every right to do what makes you and your family happy.
Go to work, stay at home; nothing changes your title as a mother.
And my advice for the new moms to be? Do yourself a favor and skip the guilt trip! You’ll feel guilty for any mistakes you ever make as a mom.
Feeling guilty for doing what makes you the best mother shouldn’t be one of them.